Random Jokes

I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I
noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,
orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the
matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and
had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."....
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Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"He thought he was having his picture taken!"

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My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No." She answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

Yes." She replied.

Then I said, " I'd like to phone a friend."

That's the last thing I remember.