Random Jokes

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the
meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Jennifer, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian
and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than
met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

B rian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact
remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for
dinner.


Love, Brian


Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying
that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if
Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
ladle by now.


Love, Mom
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UNION RULES FOR HOOKERS.......



A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a
convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out
the local brothels. When he got to the first one,
he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls
get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she
answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man
stomped off down the street in search of a more
equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search
continued until finally he reached a brothel where
the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union
house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do
the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room,
and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she
gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but
Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to
union rules, she's next."
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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her
tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon
a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red
tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoe so
red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my
tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash. My tomatoes turn red
from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing
to her tomato garden to see if it would work. Twice a day for two weeks
she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By The
way, how did you make out? Did your tomato's turn red?"

"No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."