Random Jokes

A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood Pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of Condoms. Week after week he would come in with the same order.
One day the Pharmacist felt he had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
"So," the Pharmacist asked, "then what do you do with all those Condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my Poodle, and now she poops in little plastic bags

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A rich white man in Georgia decided to throw a party and invited all
of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only black
guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard
of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating
shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women. At the height of
the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool
and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash
and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was fighting
the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes
with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of shit like head
butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator
through the air like he was some kind of Judo instructor. The water was
churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the 'gator were screaming
and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to
the top like a K-mart goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.
Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host says,
"Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars?" "No, that's okay. I
don't want it," said Leroy.
The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How
about half a million bucks then?"
"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.
The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something.! That was amazing.
How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"
Again Leroy said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the motherfucker who pushed me in the pool."

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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at
him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where
he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party
that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your
partner whipped my butt with wet celery"

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."