Random Jokes

The Blonde Officer
A blonde in a convertible is speeding down the highway when she gets pulled over by a female police officer, who also turns out to be a blonde. She walks up to the convertible and asks to see the blonde's drivers license.

Confused, the blonde asks, "What does a license look like?"

Eager to help, the officer happily responds, "It's that thing in your purse with your face on it."

The blonde begins searching through her purse and finally pulls out a mirror. She flips it open, sees her own reflection and figures that must be it. After handing it over to the officer, the officer carefully looks at it says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"


Blonde in a Rowboat
In the middle of a field there's a blonde sitting in a row boat just rowing away like mad. When another blonde spots her while driving by, she stops her car and gets out angrily.

She runs up to the barbed wire fence at the edge of the property and yells, "Girl, it's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name! If I could swim, I'd swim out there and kick your bony blonde ass."


Blonde Trail Trackers
Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said, "I think they’re deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "I think they’re dog tracks!"

The third blonde said, "Well, I think they’re cow tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train struck them.


How Long Has it Been?
An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"

Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

(You've got to love military time!)